Hey everyone! So I haven't written an entry using xanga in forever! Just thought I would give a few of my thoughts out in this entry... not like its going to solve anything, but just thought it would be nice to simply just write it out.. so here it goes...

First..... the topic is school. I loved Liberty University my freshmen year! I am glad I attended Liberty, but now I am glad that Liberty is no longer in my future plans. I was happy yes, but not for my career. I loved all the new friends I made<3 and i will never forget them.... most of all my dormies--Dora, Meskie, Carmen, and Ashley<3 and my two roommates-- Kristin and Laura<33 I will never forget the six of you!!!! You guys made my Liberty experience the best ever!!!!! but I just have to do something new. Ever feel like your happy with your life but not where things are leading in the end? Thats how I felt. Like I loved my friends and my experience at Liberty, but in the long run I felt like it wasn't going to be worth it. So after a lot of struggling I decided to apply for the Geisinger school of Nursing! So I am hoping and praying that this is what God wants for me! I really think this is where and what I am suppose to do! Yesterday I just started filling out all the paper work! The deadline is June 15 so I have 15 days to finish everything and I should get my test results from the Nursing Entrace Test (NET) by then. So that date will determine a lot of things. If you are reading this please pray that I do well on the test and getting all the paper work done!  I also get to do some spanish classes which im hopefully going to try to do at Bloomsburg University.. but maybe just second semster, spring semester next year.. because by this summer i wll already know a lot of spanish because of the spanish school that I am going to in Guatemala for 3 weeks! I am soo excited to go there!!!

Secondly, the topic is about friendship. Lately I have been having some problems with a really really close friend of mine. I want to understand everything, but at the same time im afraid that too much information will kill me. Being away for about 9 months while we were both in different states for college -- one in PA the other in VA-- sucked big time, but aren't bff's suppose to make anything work no matter what? At first things seemed back to normal like the usual sleep over ... and talking all night.. stuff like that... re assured me that everything would be fine <3... but then when we were both home in Danville for the summer... we didn't see each other everyday and it seemed like we had to put a lot of effort into just spending time with each other. It's like we have to plan our time together.... like put each other on some type of agenda plan. To me it seemed ridiculous. Then reality set in... she got a boyfriend... that honestly I don't like. Yes, I have put effort into trying to like him and even acted nice when he called me telling me and asking me my opinion on a surprise for her.. and being the bff that I am.. i went along with it :).  I want her to be happy I really do. She says she is in love and that is greattt...... but only time can tell, right? There is really not much else to say about the boyfriend situation except that she isn't herself when she is with him :'(. When I first realized this.. it was like a sharp knife was penetrating my heart. The world around me froze and I didn't know what to do. It was like everyone that I loved and cared for were changing at a blink of an eye. Yes, change is good! but not when it is with someone like your boyfriend... that your bff can tell isn't you. At first I thought I was just being insane.. maybe I just had a long day that I wasn't thinking straight, but that wasn't right. Once my boyfriend got into the car after hanging out with her and her boyfriend.. he told me that he was sooo bored!! and I was like yeaa.. we are both just really tired so lets go home... and he said well its just that he didn't know anyone... and I said... hun you know her and you've met her boyfriend before...and he goes... no she isn't the same when she is with him. This is when i realized that I wasn't being stupid or foolish, that she really changed for a boy. I want her back.. with everything that is within me.... I want her back. but honestly.. I don't know if thats going to happen. Even my mother said she isn't the friend who she once was :'(. it kills me hearing that.. because it is like a part of me is missing. Is it really real that after 9 years of friendship.... from 5th grade up to just after my freshmen year in college... that she will no longer be there? No longer there when i need someone just to listen..... no longer there for those late night sleep overs... no longer there just to pig out on ice cream and watch a movie..... no longer there just to drink coffee and Dunkin..... no longer there to go on vacations together.. no longer there to go shopping with money we don't have,... no longer there for getting our hair cut together... no longer there to play dress up...... no longer there to just enjoy each others company. Time has gone by... and it feels like 9 years has just been thrown out the window. No effort is being made. Not one simple phone call to hang out.... just everything is gone. simply gone. </3

Lastly,  my boyfriend who is my bestest friend in the whole wide world<3. I love him to death and I hope and pray to God that we will someday get married<3 I have no clue when that will be, but it will happen soon enough:). At least I get to stay and be with him more... but for the record.. my decision to stay home and do the nursing program at Geisinger had nothign to do with my boyfrined.. because im not one of those girls who gives up everythign just to be with their boyfriend. I love him sooooo much, buy my future means a lot to me and I believe that the Geisinger nursing program is going to help me succeed in those goals!

....im sorry if YOU are reading this and makes you sad. I needed you to realize everything that has been going on because I feel like you have been oblivious to everything and maybe that isn't even true... maybe you do realize everything but simply don't care? I've never really known you to not care... but please reply and tell me how you feel about everything. i love you and want things to work out<3

Simply Steph.

P.S. the reason I decided to write an entry telling you this is because you seem to busy for me anymore.

ok.... so many of you know that my two brothers are going into the military... Edgar the navy and Chris the army..... Edgar just left today  and Christopher tomorrow..... here are some thoughts that I jumbled into a little poem or whatever you call it...... it doesn't ryme or anything... it's just my feelings..... to show I care.

   I never thought I would feel this way,
   I didn't want you to leave.
   It feels to soon to say goodbye;
   I know that this isn't a final goodbye,
   but a temporary goodbye
   to show us how we feel.

   You werenn't just my brother,
   but a true friend.
   We never saw eye to eye,
   but I still know you cared.
   You're doing what you are supposed to do
   wasn't sure if you were going to follow through,
   but you did it.

   Follow your heart,
   when there is noting left
   know that I will be here for you.
   Life is a mysterious thing
   that no one can fully comprehend,
   but what we both know is that
   you need to live to the fullest and follow your dreams.

   I hope you fullfill your dreams
   with great expectations.
   You are like a flower
   that is waiting for spring to come along to bloom.
   Well, your time has come
   and I know you will bloom with vibrant colors.
    The navy and army are just stepping stones
    in your many "stones" that will come in the future.

* I will really miss you two * praying for you every step of the way <3

 -  my mood right now is SAD  -

Today I had to say goodbye to the only one in the world who understands me. Thank goodness it's not a final goodbye but only a temporarly goodbye. Kate Marie, I love you so much and I hope you know that you mean the world to me. I don't know what I would do without you. Through these 7 years that we have been bff's have been the best years of my life. We have had many good times and bad times, but the bad times always seemed better when you were by my side. Boys say that they havent seen a friendship last this long before and that is because we are bff...no ifs ands buts about it. Forever means forever . Even though im going to college in Lynchburg, VA and your staying home and going to BU doesn't mean that we aren't friends anymore. It will suck hard core without you, but times like these can only make us stronger right? Just promise not to replace me? heheI love you my princess<3 and I hope that in everything that you come across in life that you turn the bad things into good and that you always follow your heart. Even though I won't be right by your side, 5 minutes away, or your roommate in a dorm room.. im always here for you no matter what! Even if it is that you found a really great friend.. lol.. I will be happy for you. I wish you the best in everything because you deserve the best

Best Friends Forever<3

 o k . . .  I t ' s  l y r i c  t i m e !  h a h a . . .

                     . . .Up Against The Wall. . .

                                 Yeah it's so hard to let go
                     So breathe in now
        And breathe it out



                                Breakdown                 rebound
                                This could be my last goodbye
                                            You cross your heart, I hope to die

        And I can't deny your eyes
               You know I try to read
      b e t w e e n       the       l i n e s



                                     No rewinds
           No second times
                                                      And I won't break
                                     I won't waste
                                                                                 everything you left behind